Who watches the watchers
by Nepeace
Summary: SLASH FF love - Cath and Sara - This started as a drabble - Sometimes there is more than you think ... REWRITEN AND ADDED A NEW CHAPTER!
1. The naked now

**Title:** Who watches the watchers  
**Rated:** R-ish, but not really  
**Challenge:** Star Trek: the next generation episode titles, challenge #5

**Pairing:** Catherine and Sara  
**Spoilers:** None  
**Disclaimer:** I don't have the money to own them ... Purely written for entertainment purposes.  
**Author's Notes:** Sara's POV –

This story started out as a part of a drabble challenge for the Cath and Sara Livejournal community. It was part of the Star Trek: Next Generation Drabble challenge. I decided that this story might have some potential and that I would try to change it into a fanfic. The first two chapters are part of the challenge, and therefore very short. I promise that the other chapters will be longer ...

**Who watchers the watchers**

**Chapter 1**

**Daydreaming ... (aka the drabble 'The naked now')**

There was this fear deep down inside me that always kept me aware of my surroundings, never fading, always in control. I knew that I love her, but I was really aware that I could never tell her that. I was afraid that I would disgust that particular person and that she would never wanted to talk to me again. And if I had the choice I would rather dream about her then tell her and lose her entirely forever. Losing her was my biggest fear.

I watched Catherine's graceful movements as she explains the case details to us. She moves her head side to side in an answer to someone's question. I have no idea which question, not even who asked it. I am unaware of my surroundings. Her golden hair brushes softly on her cheeks before she tugs a strain of hair behind her ear with a gentle gesture. Just watching her every move was hypnotizing to me.

What would it be like to tug her hair behind her ear and trail a path of butterfly kisses from her ear lobe to her collarbone and further down, and in the process slowly undress her until she would be naked in front of me. What would it be like to feel her hands on my flushed skin, what would it be like to mimic her gentle gestures and use them on her naked skin. Bringing her further then anyone ever did before, showing her what real love feels like. Show her what I am like when you allow me to take over. Kissing her tenderly, kissing her rough? What does she like? Would she be like me and like it both ways or would she be the tender one? I realized how less I know about her and how much I love her.

A hard chuckle and a blow to my shoulder made me aware of the situation that I was in. I faced Catherine across from me on the other side of the conference table in the conference room at work surrounded by all my colleagues. They were all watching me, Greg and Nick were both chuckling. Catherine gazed at me as if she was waiting for an explanation, that look might work with Lindsey but she wouldn't get a single detail out of me. My skin flushed and I was sure that it turned a dark shade of red. I mumble a lame excuse before I flee from the conference room away from my colleagues and friends, away from this embarrassing situation that I brought myself in.


	2. Who watches the watchers?

Who watchers the watchers 

**Chapter 2**

**The watcher**

**Greg's POV**

Sara jumped up at the moment that she realized that everyone was watching her. She jumped up her face flushed and ran away. Mumbling some lame excuse. She had no idea how long we had been watching, She didn't even notice that Catherine tried to ask her some questions about the evidence that she collected on the case. I wished it would have been some DNA evidence at least then I would have been able to answer for her, before the whole situation got awkward.

Everybody was watching each other not really sure what to do or how to react. No one was sure what had happened at all. Catherine made an attempt to stand up and follow Sara. But according to what I've seen, it seems better when I keep the two of them apart, just for a while.

"Grissom, just go on with this meeting, I'll go and see how Sara is. I know my job. DNA comes in I try to find a match via Codis and I'm done." I joked, hoping that he would let me go after Sara. Grissom nodded and I stepped into the corridor, slowly walking towards the locker rooms. I was sure that I would find her there. I could hear the sobs through the door and I knew that Sara was crying. And I had a faint idea why: she had never been interested in me, nor in any of the other guys. I had realised that a couple of months ago.

"Sara, are you okay?" I asked when I opened the door. She quickly wiped away her tears pretending and probably hoping that I would believe her when she told me that she was fine.

I knew that she wasn't I had watched her when she felt safe enough to watch Catherine. I had seen her when she tried to get closer to Catherine. But I had also seen something else, Sara wasn't the only one. Sometimes you could hide out in one lab and look across all the other labs without anyone seeing you. But they hadn't seen me, neither one of them. I was more ore less part of the interior, people didn't notice me; I was always here.

"Sara, I know what has been going on in these labs, don't forget that I spend all my hours here. I've seen you, watching Catherine ..."

"Please don't say anything." Sara pleaded as her eyes watered once again. "Please don't ..." her voice faded away until there was nothing more then a faint whisper.

"Sara listen to me, I've seen you watch her but I've also seen her watch you in one of the dark labs in the back. She was spying on you with the same look in her eyes." I wrapped my hands around Sara's trembling body. "Give it a try, ask her out, just start with a breakfast or something. Don't give up when you reach the slightest bump in the road."

"You aren't kidding with me, right?" she asked all insecure.

"Sara, I would never lie about something like this, and besides that I rather lose you to Catherine than to Nick, Warrick or Grissom for that matter. At least now I know that I never really had a chance."

She sent me a faint smile through her tears. "Do you really think that there is a chance?" she asked still not sure.

"Sara, I would never do anything to hurt you. And I would never lie about something like this." I said to her in all honesty.


	3. Trying

Who watchers the watchers 

**Chapter 3**

**Trying**

**Sara's POV**

"But Greg I can't ask her out on a date not now. She would never agree, never... not after what I did. Not after today."

"Sara, you where just staring at Catherine, that wasn't so bad." Greg answered in all seriousness.

"Well then tell me one thing, why was she looking at me like that and why where Nick and you laughing like that."

"Sara it was just funny because you where staring at Catherine and she was asking you something, but you didn't react at all." Greg smiled, "It's not like you did something weird, it just got weird when your face turned tomato like and you jumped up and ran away. Nick and I where just making fun of the situation, you know us, always kidding around."

We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes. "Greg can you tell Grissom that I went home, tell him that I wasn't feeling to well. I'll be back tonight, don't worry I just have to sort things out trying to make the best of the situation, I guess..."

"Ok, I'll tell him, but let me drive you home first, I can pick you up tonight before work." He smiled while he said that, and squeezed my hand.

"Okay." I answered simply while I grabbed my bag and jacket, and followed him out.

Minutes later we sat down in Greg's car as I gave him directions he drove down to my apartment building. This is where you live he asked when I told him to stop.

I smiled and watched it for a second. "Yes, it is. It ain't much but I call it home." I answered with a smile.

"Hey girl, I pick you up later okay, just get some sleep." Greg smiled, "Everything will be fine."

"I will, thanks Greg." I bend forward and kissed his cheek before I got out of the car and opened the front door.

I fumbled with my keys as I walked up the stairs to my apartment. I opened the door and was glad when it closed behind me. This was the place where I feel completely safe, where no one can harm me. Where the world can't see me. I dropped my bag and jacket on the floor next to the door and made my way to the bathroom. Minutes later the bathroom was filled with warmth emerging from the shower as I opened the door and got in. The hot water trailed down my cool skin and I shivered as I leaned against the wall, the hot water still running down my body.

How could I be so goddamn stupid, why couldn't I just concentrate on work like I always did? Why did I have to be caught while I was undressing Catherine in my mind, with the whole team present.

But then again, I would never have had this conversation with Greg if that didn't happen. So maybe this would turn out better then I thought. I just wish that Greg had spoken the truth, cause you never really know with him.

"No I can trust him", I said to myself, he promised me not to tell anyone. And I know that he wouldn't make fun of something so serious. He knows how to act, when you need him to be serious. Why would he make that up anyway?

I got out of the shower and dressed into something comfortable before I grabbed something to eat and listened to the messages on my answering machine.

Sara, it's Grissom. You can get tonight off if your not feeling well. Just give me a call...

The answering machine started another message.

_Sara, I ehm ... I don't know why I'm calling. I guess I see you later..._

That message surprised me: it was Catherine. It was the first time ever that she called me at my home phone, and left me a message. I grabbed my cell phone and saw that Catherine had called me twice. What was the deal with that all of the sudden? Did she have a faint idea of what happened in the conference room? I dragged myself to my bedroom; I felt like crying out of self pity. I really got myself into some mess this time, I thought as I dropped down on the bed and covered my body with the sheets.


	4. A new shift

Who watchers the watchers 

**Chapter 4**

**A new shift**

The shrill sounds of my alarm clock woke me up several hours later. I felt as if I hadn't slept at all, my limbs felt heavy and my head was pounding. And opening my eyes only worked with great effort. I hit the alarm clock until it finally quit making it's annoying sound. I fell back into the bed and stared at the ceiling. Not able to move for minutes, I was just staring.

Just the thought of facing Catherine at work today, made me feel sick. I clutched my stomach and hoped that I would be alright. At least Greg said that I might have a chance, but that didn't really comfort me. I don't think that anything will comfort me until this is over and I'm with Catherine or with a broken heart, and a similar soul.

Finally I get up and make my way to the bathroom and take a shower, this time a cold shower to wake me up. Whatever happens today I can go somewhere else, there is nothing that keeps me here. I can be a CSI anywhere. There is nothing else that keeps me here.

Minutes later I'm in front of the fridge, but I can't even think about eating, just the thought turns my stomach. So I grab my keys and jacket and decide that it is time for work, or at least to get out of the building and wait for Greg in the sun. Almost time to face my problems, time to face Catherine.

I want to open my front door when I notice that I have a new message on my answering machine. I push on the button, and listen to the new message on my phone.

Hey sleepyhead, get out of bed. There is a new shift waiting for you, ma' girl.

Greg's voice blurred through the speakers into the small apartment. And despite everything that had happened I had to smile, Greg always knew a way to cheer someone up, even though it was just for a second.

One look at the clock told me that I had to go. But before I reach the street when I hear a familiar voice called my name. I lifted off my sunglasses and pushed them back into my hair.

"Catherine?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Yep, the one and only." She laughed, but her laugh sounded nervous. "Hi, I just wanted to check if you where okay, apparently you are."

_Of course, her maternal instincts would kick in, just what I needed. Damn it!_

"Yep, I'm fine, I just wanted to go to work."

"Hey, wanna drive with me to work?" Catherine asked.

Damn, if I say no she will know that there is something wrong and I will only push her away. Maybe she didn't know what happened in the conference room this morning. Oh fuck that of course she knows, she was a stripper for God's sake, she would probably recognise that look anywhere.

"Ehm ... okay." I answer, "Ehm, let me call Greg and tell him that you picked me up." I'm not sure if this was the right thing to do. I locked the door of my car and crossed the street towards Catherine's car. I take in a sharp breath before I get into the car.

"Hi, sorry for not calling back." I apologized my own behaviour.

"Oh don't worry about it, I don't know if I would have called you back after a vague phone call like that." I wondered if she would ever call me back the day that I gather all of my guts and asked her out, probably not. But then again, I would probably think that I was hallucinating when I received a message like that on my machine. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't heard Catherine call my name.

"Sara?" She asked again, breaking the wave of thoughts that occupied my mind. "Sara, I saw what happened this morning. We need to talk about it."

My skin flushed from deep read to pale white in a matter of seconds. My mind was running overtime trying to find an answer that would satisfy her. I was feeling sick and had trouble controlling my breathing.

"I ehm ... I ..." My breath was rapid, hard to control.

"Sara, just breathe. Your hyperventilating, breathe common' you can do it." Catherine parked her car, pulled a bag from her kit and handed it to me. Catherine placed her hand on my shoulder. She told me how to breathe. And grabbed her phone.

"Gil, it's me. Sara and I will be later." She was listening to Grissom's response. "You know you owe me, for that time when you went chasing a headless body and left me in charge of everything including 'your' paperwork. Again there was a silence for a couple of minutes. "Okay see you later, Gil."

My breathing had slowed down finally. I looked up at Catherine, terrified of the situation that I was in. I wasn't sure what would happen next, or how to react. Not even how to explain my behaviour of these past days.

"Oh please Sara, don't look so terrified, I'm not going to kill you or anything. It's just a conversation."


	5. The truth and noting but the truth

Who watchers the watchers 

**Chapter 5**

**The truth and nothing but the truth**

Catherine let me to a park, and sat down at a bench in the shade. Kids where playing on the slides and swings.

"Did that ever happen to you before?" Catherine asked with a worried look on her face.

"Well, not in the last couple of years." I answered while my breathing finally went back to normal.

"So what is it then, something like anxiety attack?"

"Well wouldn't you have an anxiety attack?" I said to Catherine, sounding harsher then I meant. "Sorry ..." I mumbled without saying anything else.

"Then tell me what you're sorry for cause you just keep saying that you're sorry? And I'm not getting any answers." Catherine sighed. "I thought that we were friends?"

"We are..." I answered. "I hope..." I mumbled softly behind it.

"Sara, then talk to me, it can't be that bad."

I was trying to get my nerves together when my beeper buzzed. Reached out and grabbed it to watch what the message was. I was holding the buzzer out of the sun trying to read the message. I could finally read it when I realised that Catherine could have read it too.

:: Did you ask her out? Love Greg ::

I'm afraid of Catherine's reaction. She doesn't say a word; she doesn't even move a muscle.

"Damn Greg!" I swear silently at him.

I still refuse to face Catherine, still afraid that she might hate me even more than she already did. Afraid that I'll have to resign and find another job.

Catherine moves a little on the bench next to me. She moves closer and reaches her hand up to my face. I try to move away not quite ready to talk about this whole situation. But she is faster and her lips softly collide with mine. I'm shocked I had thought of every possible scenario but never in my life had I thought about this. Catherine wrapped her arm around my shoulder while she pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. The tip of her tongue runs across my lips and I let her gain the access to my mouth. The kiss is passionate and heated. Catherine's hand run up and down my thigh. People walked by us but we didn't care, the world revolved around us at that moment.

Catherine breaks the kiss bringing up, her hand towards my face. I was watching my hands; Catherine forces me to look her in the eyes. Her other hand was still on my thigh; I could feel the heat through my jeans.

She smiled brightly at me, her blue eyes sparkled. "Can't you see what I'm doing here?"

"Is this... real?"

"Real, it felt pretty real to me, Sara."

"Why?"

"God, Sara do I have to explain everything. I don't just kiss anyone like that." Catherine said a little lost.

"Okay, but you hate me?"

"Hate you, why would I? Sara there is a big difference between hate and keeping my distance."

"Catherine, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do; I'm so lost right now. I've been trying to gain enough guts to tell you, I have, please believe me." Tears finally fell down my face. Marking a silent trail of doubt, pain and relieve. "So you don't mind?"

"I would never mind you kissing me like that..." Catherine admitted through her own tears.

"Like this ..." I said to Catherine while I kissed her once again.


	6. Secrets

Who watchers the watchers 

**Chapter 6**

**Nerves**

"So this has been the whole problem standing between us all these years?" Catherine asked still wondering, why they never noticed anything. There must have been these moments when they should have caught each other staring at the other one.

"Apparently..."

We sat besides each other for a while consumed in our own thoughts. When Catherine suddenly started to speak.

"We have to get to work, I promised Grissom that we would be back as soon as possible. I guess that it is time to go back. But you have to promise me that we have breakfast tomorrow morning after this shift. So we can sort things out and see what we're going to do. Cause this won't be easy and a lot of adjusting will be needed." Catherine said taking the lead. And for once I was happy that she was like that. Cause I knew that it would be really hard for me to take lead in something as delicate as this.

"Okay." I answered simply not sure what to say to Catherine. This whole situation was just too weird to be true, I guess that I didn't have enough time to let it all sink in. Yesterday I never thought that something like this would happen. I never even thought of having a friendly relationship with Catherine, I truly thought that she hated me too much to even try and be a friend.

"I'll make breakfast tomorrow at my house, we can talk there without someone interrupting us. I'll just have to drop Lindsey of at school. I hope you don't mind?"

"No problem," I hadn't seen Lindsey since Eddie's burial. We had all been there to support Cath and Lindsey. Catherine had taken all of the trouble of arranging the funeral for Lindsey, after all she was Eddie's child. "I would love to see Lindsey again." I was still wondering and hoping that Lindsey wouldn't hate me because I had to close Eddie's case that still bothered me. It haunted and kept me from sleeping, I had lain awake and was going over every single detail whenever I could but there just wasn't anything there. I knew now that there wasn't anything that I missed; there was nothing that I could change.

"Lindsey will be thrilled to see you again." Catherine smiled. "Okay, but promise me that we will talk about this."

"Promised."

A little while later we were entering the CSI building and walking down the hall towards Grissom's office to let him know that we had arrived and to ask for a case.

Catherine knocked on the door and stepped inside. Grissom placed his glasses on top of some case files. Resting his arms on the table and stared at us waiting for an explanation. Catherine stepped inside the dark room and sat down on the chair in front of Grissom's desk.

"Can you tell me what this weird phone call of yours was all about?" He asked when he noticed that we weren't about to give him an answer.

"Grissom, sometimes you just need to invest some time into the people around you. This was one of these moments that a colleague was more important then a case."

"Catherine, you can't just call me whenever you want and stay away for an hour an a half. And then come in without explaining why you're acting like this."

"Grissom, Sara and I had to talk about some things in private, it was not my nor was it Sara's intention to let this happen on our way to work. But it did and it was something that had to be talked about. Don't go blaming me for being a people person; most people are by the way. Now do you have a case for us or not. Cause I can do some catching up on my 'own' paperwork."

Catherine was probably the only person who could say things like these without any consequences.

Grissom sighed knowing that he could never win an argument like this, not from Catherine anyways. And he handed her the assignment slip. "It's a D.B. at the MGM Grand."

"Can you two work together or is that too much to ask?" He asked still wondering what could have been so important.

"We'll be fine don't worry."

I told Catherine that I had to get my things out of my locker. Greg immediately saw me when I passed his lab and followed me down the hallway to the locker room. "And?" he asked while he closed the door behind him. "What's up girl?"

"Nothing, we talked that's all." I answered with an innocent smile, acting as if nothing happened.

The ride to the MGM, was strange. We were both silent not sure what to say because we knew that we could never have a conversation right now or we would have to end it in the middle.

We processed the scene and talk to one of the employees that worked at the MGM and found the body while she was cleaning the rooms. Brass was still talking to some other employees when we left. We went back to the crime lab and handed our evidence over to Greg, who started processing it right away. I started filling the report while I was waiting on Greg with his answers to DNA and a fingerprint. Maybe this could be an easy case, for once I was hoping on it. Even though I knew that the morning wouldn't be easy either.

I was sitting in the car waiting for Catherine to return with Lindsey. Lindsey had been at the house of Catherine's sister. Catherine insisted on driving Lindsey to school herself. It was one of those rituals that Catherine and Lindsey had. I knew how much Catherine hated the fact that she had to work so much, even though she loved her job.

"Hi Sara!" Lindsey said while she hopped into the car.

"Hey Linds." I answered, smiling at her brightly.

Catherine and Lindsey talked on the way to Lindsey's school. Lindsey wanted to tell her mother so many stories at once that no one understood what she was talking about.

"Hey missy, hold your horses there for a minute. Tell me that story about Jaimy again?" Catherine asked Lindsey while she motioned her to slow down. Rolling her eyes while she smiled.

Minutes later we were both relieved when we had dropped Lindsey of at school. "Don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful girl but sometimes she's such a handful." Catherine apologised for Lindsey's behaviour.

"She's great, Catherine. You're so lucky." I smiled before I looked outside the window again.


	7. Breakfast

AN: I know that I promised to write more as soon as I returned from my vacation. But sometimes life interferes when you don't want it to interfere. I have been having a hard time and I hope that I can say that I'm back now and I hope that you guys will still be with me.

I've rewriten all chapters to this story and added chapter 7.

Sorry,

Angelique

Who watchers the watchers

**Chapter 7**

**Breakfast**

Catherine put two mugs of coffee down on the counter and sat down. I shuffled my scrambled eggs around my plate. Trying to figure out a way to tell her the things that I wanted to tell her all along. I knew that apparently she must feel something for me too otherwise she wouldn't have kissed me like that, nor would we be sitting here together at her table in her kitchen. One part of me wanted to have this conversation behind me, the other part of me wanted to push it away as far as possible.

I had been in one of the labs most of the night, staring at the clock, hoping that I would be able to stop time long enough for me to come up with a plan. A way to tell Catherine how much she means to me. I had been attracted to her from that first moment I saw her, and no matter how bad she treated me no matter how long it took to get closer to her. The feeling had always been there. Despite of what everyone thought, Grissom was a good friend and in some ways still is. But Catherine has been that special person for me. I looked up straight into her blue eyes, those gorgeous eyes.

I quickly bend my head and look down at my plate again. I hear Catherine laugh softly and her hand comes into sight she leans over the table and places her hand over mine. "Don't be so nervous." She leans in even closer and kisses me, her soft lips barely touching mine.

"Sara, I like you a lot." Catherine's eyes twinkle "...more than you'll ever know, way more then I ever showed you."

"But why? Why haven't you ever tried to show me that." I sighed. " I tried to be your friend, I tried to be one of the guys you know. I tried so many things."

"I know, at the time it seemed to be the easiest way: just plain ignoring you, because I thought that you would leave. That you would go back after you filed your report on Warrick. I knew that we were down one person, but I figured that you would have a reason to go back. "Catherine sighed.

"There was nothing to go back too. I had nothing back there; I was so ready to start a new life. I hated the life I had back there and I wanted to be me, the real me not the one that I showed to the world."

"We were all having a rough time when you came into the team and I guess that it was hard to open up to you because of what happened to Holly. I know that sounds incredibly lame, but that is the way it is." Catherine sighed still holding my hand in hers. "I know it's ridiculous, I can't change that. But we can work on the future."

I nodded knowing that this was my shot at happiness even though I knew that it would be one bumpy road I was willing to take that chance. Because this was what I wanted all along, but I never dared to hope for this. I never thought that I would get a chance like this nor that a person like Catherine would be interested in plain ol' me.

**Catherine's POV**

I watched her as she nodded absently when I told her that we could work on future. She gazed at me for a few seconds and nods again, she sent me a huge grin, it was as if the message didn't come through the first time. As if she needed time to realize what I said.

An hour later Sara leaves my house with a huge grin on her face after she planted a kiss on my cheek. She waves as gets into the cab. I feel relieved and go to bed, I fall asleep instantly.

Greg was sitting on his chair in the DNA lab constantly watching the hallways and the other labs. Trying to catch a glimpse of one of the women. But so far none of them had showed themselves. Greg wondered whether they where working on a case or if they where avoiding him. He knew that eventually he would see them, but he was too anxious to wait. Sara had been ignoring his messages ever since he asked her whether she had asked Catherine out or not. He guessed that she was mad at him for some reason, but he was still sure that he would know what was going on when he saw both of the women.


End file.
